Sick of Being Sick of Being Sick …

It’s a never-ending cycle, I might get a few days where I feel okay (because feeling GOOD is a rare day indeed), but most days I wake up and by the time I get to the coffee machine, I say to myself, “I feel like shit. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m sick of being sick.” Almost every single day I utter these phrases. I used to wake up and say, “I feel like shit.” My hubby pointed out, “but you say that every day.” Does he become immune to my constant utterance of “I’m sick of being sick of being tired …” each and every day? Do I become complacent with feeling this way?

In a sense, I think some of that is true for both of us. While my dear hubby is a super compassionate person, and he certainly tries to be compassionate about my never-ending pain cycle, he certainly doesn’t KNOW my pain. I don’t want him to know it. I have almost accepted that this is my way of life. I’m going to wake up most days and feel like shit. That’s just my life.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’ve joined pain/fibromyalgia forums on Facebook, and I get depressed reading about other people’s depression, and how they feel like shit, and about how badly they’re treated at pain doctors, or rhematologists, or whatever doctor, when you’re not treated with compassion by your own doctor, face it, you are SCREWED. And sadly, most chronic pain patients are at the bad end of the shaft. From the doctor (“it’s all in your head,” “if you weren’t fat you wouldn’t be in pain,”) to the pharmacist, the stories I have read horrify me. That’s what I face. I’ve already had my own terrible experience with my rhematologist, and instead of putting up with her cruel treatment, I fired her. It felt good to send a letter that I was no longer a patient! Now I have to wait until December to see a pain management doctor. In the meantime, it’s up to my primary physician. Will she give me another two prescriptions in the meantime for my pain pills? And oh my, since Hydrocodone is rescheduled, can we change it to something that might just kick my pain? I mean 5 mg. of hydrocodone just doesn’t kill the pain. It does make life more bearable, but not better.

Trust me, if I could choose between feeling good or taking pills? I’d go for the feeling good! Please don’t treat me like a drug addict. Just treat me with compassion.

Because I’m sick of being sick of being tired all the time.

sigh

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3 thoughts on “Sick of Being Sick of Being Sick …

  1. Hey, I hope you have been experimenting with cannabis as an alternative to pain pills. It is a non toxic natural medicine that does work. Doctors won’t know enough about it yet so it is up to you to do two very important things.
    One, try different strains of marijuana until you find one that fits. Marijuana has two sides to its family. The Indica side, which they say is a night time medication as you will be sleepy afterwards, but still relaxed and happy. Then there is the sativa side of the pot family. This is the day time medication. It will give you more energy and maybe spark your creative side. Pot has a mixture of cbd and thc, different strains have different ratios of both. Experiment until you find what works for you.
    The second important thing you must do, is when you find the medication that works the best for you, spread the word. Cannabis is an amazing gift from Mother Nature, greedy corrupt politicians have outlawed this herb for their own nonsensical reasons. When you find the strains that work for you, it would be great if you write about your experiences to help others. As always love and blessings from Prague.

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    • Hello friend, I thank you for your words of encouragement and suggestion. Truthfully, I’ve been using marijuana since I was a teenager – then for recreation. Nowadays, I use the marijuana for the pain relief, appetite stimulation, and natural sleep aide. I had to quit using marijuana to take a drug test in order to get my pain pills – thus, most of the reason I started this blog – to try and get the word out the marijuana is indeed a worthy natural plant, capable of curing, or aiding, most illnesses. Our ancestors used it, history shows it was used almost 5,000 years ago!
      But right now I live in a state in the US where marijuana is illegal, both medically and recreationally, although we do have an initiative we’re voting on this November 4th. I fired my one doctor with whom I was honest about my use and she shamed me and said she’d NEVER prescribe marijuana even if it was legal. My primary suggested I fire her.
      I would certainly like to try the different strains, and certainly have learned oh-so-much about cannabis since starting this blog here and my account on Twitter (@pain_chronic). But until it’s legalized, I have to quit when mandatory drug tests present themselves (which I think is sooooooo unconstitutional), which in order to see a pain management doctor, I have to do. But who knows, maybe he isn’t an A$$ like that other doctor.
      I think I know more about cannabis than that other doctor knows! And that is a shame, a real shame.
      So here I am, anonymous because I’m fearful of losing my job and life as I know it, but I am forever more The Activist!
      Thank you for your support! Hugs from somewhere in the backwards United States 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • It is terrible that you are in this situation. Nobody or government has the right to take away something that helps with your pain. I would grow your medicine if you lived here ! I hope things get better, blogging does make a difference, it continues the conversation with the public. Keep fighting the good fight !!!!

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