Yes, Virginia, There IS a Santa Claus!

Somebody pinch me because I couldn’t possibly be awake! Why? Because I saw a doctor, a family physician, who believes in treating the whole patient AND he treats fibromyalgia patients. AND he spent well over an hour with me today for a “meet and greet” that turned into a first appointment. You’d think that would be enough! But no … there’s more!

He explained more about fibromyalgia and how it’s treated in an hour than I’ve heard in the last 20 years combined. Instead of throwing a prescription of Tramadol my way, he really explained (even drew on paper) how each class of medication works to treat the fibromyalgia pain, something I never knew. He wants to wean me off the Tramadol I’ve taken for almost 20 years, and start fresh with a new regime. YAY! It’s about time! Those Tramadol are indeed addictive yet they are not nearly as effective for me anymore. This doctor explained that the Tramadol actually interfere with narcotics. So no wonder I’ve still been in pain! I’m pleased that he sees what I’m on hasn’t worked and is willing to try new things. But only one weaning me off one med at a time. Another yay! And obviously a smart doctor.

So how did I find this wonderful doctor? Actually through one of my best friends, one I reconnected with after a long absence in each other’s lives. She, too, suffers from chronic pain, but hasn’t had any issues like I have getting any pain relief (prescriptions) or having to go through those unconstitutional drug tests to get those prescriptions. For months she’s asked “why don’t you see my doctor?” Finally, it’s like a light bulb went off. Why don’t I see if her doctor is accepting any new patients? And then after I studied him, I was really impressed; one of his many awards is a Compassionate Doctor award. That’s what I’m looking for.

I found a great doctor willing to TREAT ME! Really treat me! And not be afraid of writing a prescription for pain medication. And really treating me, that’s the important thing. You just don’t know how happy I am! There is hope!

Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus and he’s a doctor. My doctor now. An early Christmas present! He’s even seeing me BEFORE the holidays so he can make sure I’m properly medicated to avoid/handle the impending fibro flare. Is he good or what?!?

P.S. I even was honest about everything that I have done for my pain, including cannabis use. He asked “which strain?”

Losing the Battle, Winning the War

So by now you’ve figured out I live in Flori-DUH. We just seem to never get anything right. Even though there was overwhelming majority of votes in favor of medical marijuana (58% vs. 42%), we goofballs earlier voted that amendments had to have 60% in order to pass. We were only two percent away! Unfortunately, and quite sadly, the 18-29 year-old voters (who supported medical marijuana in polls), had a pathetic and measly 14% vote. That’s quite a sad fact, knowing that if THEY had gotten off their butts and gone and voted, we’d have medical marijuana approved today. They even had WEEKS of EARLY VOTING! AND … they could have voted by mail. There’s just no excuse. I feel sad for those that suffered fighting for our right to vote, and they got dissed by those who stayed at home and didn’t.

But anyway, although I’m quite sad that we lost this battle, I’m confident that not only will marijuana be approved for medical use, it will also be approved for legalization here in Florida. That’s how we’re going to win the war. But we MUST change the stereotype of what people associate with cannabis use: the stoner. I cannot tell you how many stories I heard (firsthand) about, “I smoked pot back in the sixties and all we did was sit around and do nothing.” Well, folks, we are not the face of the stoner. At least I’m not.

I am not the person who smokes pot, sits around on the couch, eats food uncontrollably, or laughs non-stop. Who am I? I’m not the stoner. I hold a Bachelor’s Degree in Communications, I’m raising a child, I’m happily married, I have a prestigious full-time job (almost 15 years at the same company), I served on a Board of Directors for five years as the PR chairperson, I volunteer regularly at my child’s school, I’m a photographer, a blogger, I’m well respected. You wouldn’t know by looking at me that I use cannabis. Why? Because I don’t look like the “stoner” that you envision. Because in this decade, we use marijuana to help us – whether for chronic pain, blood pressure control, glaucoma prevention, seizure control, or even for creativity. Or for nausea. Or a natural sleep aide. Yes, I can use marijuana and function, quite well, thank you very much. Because I’m not the generation of stoners you’re thinking of.

I’m merely a user of cannabis.

We’re professionals and workers, we’re scientists and mathematicians, we’re writers, artists, you name it. We’re not the lazy stoners you think we are. We work, we play, we have families. We’re just like you, we’re just not the stoners you think we are.

Yes, there are lazy people who use cannabis. But guess what? Lazy people are lazy – regardless if they use marijuana.

Yes, there are people who have stolen to get marijuana. But guess what? They’d steal for the high, regardless of if marijuana was around or not. They are dishonest, regardless if they use marijuana.

Yes, there are people who might drive around while using cannabis. But guess what? They probably already do, just like the thousands of people who drive drunk. There are ZERO deaths related to marijuana, but tons and tons of deaths related to alcohol abuse. Yet that is legal?

What I’m trying to show you, to paint you a different picture, to change your perspective, is to show you that I am not the face of the stoner.

I’m simply a cannabis user.

I’m telling you, Florida, especially John Morgan, the way we’re going to win this war is to go for the whole shebang – make it legal for medical and recreational use. Then we get the attention of those 18-29 year old kids that didn’t vote. If we vest them, they will go and vote. But more important, we have to show the other side that has the vision of the stoner, that the old stereotype is just that. Education is key!

Education is always a winner. Well, not in Florida. But watch out for us in 2016!

I am not the face of the stoner.

I just use cannabis.

Yes Yes Yes Yes for Medical Marijuana!

So tomorrow is election day, which means we in Florida will FINALLY get to see if the medical marijuana initiative passes. Sadly, there’s been a push of scare tactics and money thrown by a gambler wanting this initiative to fail (so he can try and move a casino to Florida) … and sadly, a lot of folks still seem to live in the prohibition era, where they drink the stupid Kool-Aid that faux news (aka Fox “News”) pushes out, that stupid propaganda. Marijuana is a gateway drug! Caregivers will be drug pushers! My teenager will get a script for pot and I’ll never know! And this one … A coworker will get high and I’ll end up testing positive for drug use. Huh? What? Did I read that right?

Yes, you did.

Are some of us really that dense? That, forgive me for saying this, stupid? I guess so.

Okay, so how about this? Every person on heroin has had alcohol before, so alcohol MUST be a gateway drug, so how about we take away your beloved booze? A caregiver is just that, if you want to vote no for compassionate care giving, go ahead. Just pray karma doesn’t get you. Your teenager? Already gets pot, and without a script! As for the coworker’s cannabis use getting making you fail a drug test? Can’t do anything for that other than say try again.

I don’t need to preach to anyone on here about how this PLANT would do wonders for this pill-popping society. It’s the other side, but sadly, they’ll never read this. They wouldn’t care anyway.

Bah humbug!

Why do I live in Florida again? Because one day I hope we get it RIGHT for once! Please, please, please, vote YES YES YES YES! #voteyeson2

We’re NOT the Criminals

As if things were not already bad enough, October 6, 2014, was certainly a change-game event for those of us unfortunate enough to have some medical condition that causes us chronic pain: the new DEA laws started. In an attempt to weed out the pill pushing pimps (HA!) now hydrocodone is a Schedule II narcotic drug, there are NO refills on pain medications, a new script is required each month. Mandatory random drug tests, only pain management doctors can prescribe our pills. Will the street pain pills be eradicated? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Example: how’s that “war on drugs” i.e., marijuana going? It’s not. Instead we’ve pissed away billions of dollars for what? Is it any more difficult to buy marijuana today than it was 20 years ago? 10? 5? Last year? No, it’s easier. And the quality is better. I’ll tell you one thing: it’s certainly easier to obtain the Schedule I marijuana than the Schedule II pills. And the pills won’t stop being sold on the street. Addiction issues will not end. There will ALWAYS be addicts. I mean, after all, what do we, as society, do with addicts? Do we treat them? No way! We send them to jail, then they’re back on the street. Different day, same story.

But instead society now gets to treat the person with the medical condition – that causes the chronic pain – to be treated like the criminals. Mandatory random drug tests. Wow! Only for us! Not a suspected drug addict, but for those of us with chronic pain (and the condition that causes it, remember that), we ARE treated like criminals, like drug addicts. What happened to reasonable suspicion? Doesn’t apply to the chronic pain. Thanks, doc, that’s $85 for the drug test that my insurance DOESN’T cover of the $270 DRUG TEST! Thanks DEA. Thanks lawmakers. The only thing you’ve succeeded in is pushing more pills on the street.

Guess what? The street’s STILL going to be full of drugs, whatever, whenever, wherever anyone wants. The pills? Will still be there. Wait, there will be MORE! Why?!? Because now that Tramadol is a scheduled narcotic (HA!), those pills will become the newest craze. Beware all those holding prescriptions, now we become new targets for thieves. How do you think the pill pushing pimps obtain the pills to sell on the street? Not the doctors, dummies!

They steal them! Thanks for the targets on our backs. Both literally and figuratively! Treat us like the criminals, make it nearly impossible to obtain the pain relief that our MEDICAL CONDITIONS CAUSE.

You know what ought to be against the law? Mandatory drug tests for people with medical conditions. Land of the free?

Shame on you, America.

The Fears of a Chronic Pain Sufferer

What if I cannot get another prescription for my hydrocodone measly 5 mg. for my pain? What if my doctor won’t change my prescription for a larger dose that might actually kick my pain? What if I can’t get any pills between now and when  finally see a pain management doctor in December? What if I have to take that mandatory drug test and get a dirty result for THC, even though I plan to quit 45 days in advance? What if I can’t ever get pain pills after that?

What if the pharmacy flags me as a drug seeker because of all the prescriptions I have (including the narcotics)? What if my previous doctor (that I fired!) sends my records before I ever meet the pain doctor and screws me over?

What if I have to suffer this pain without any marijuana OR pain pills?

Why should I have to worry about the ability to get a prescription for a well-documented case of pain that I have suffered over 20 years? Why should I be presumed guilty and have to submit to, in my opinion, unconstitutional drug tests, just to receive a prescription to help me live? Do I have to do that for my blood pressure medicine? Do diabetes patients have to pee in a cup to get their insulin? Why are we treated like drug addicts? Why do physicians, nurses, and even pharmacists treat some people like drug seekers when all they do is suffer from constant pain? What if that becomes me?

Why should I have any of these questions?

WHY?

My “Dear Doctor” Fiasco Horror Story Turns Happy!

Since I began this blog just a little over two weeks ago, I have learned so much from not only my fellow bloggers, but from Twitter folks, and especially from Facebook groups dealing with chronic pain and/or fibromyalgia. I have learned that we all have the same stories, just our symptoms differ. What we all have in common are horror stories about how we’re treated by either the medical community, some of our own doctors, pharmacists, and even family and friends. On the other hand, I’ve also learned that we all share hope, concern, compassion, and care for one another. Thankfully, the good always outweighs the bad. And hope always, always prevails.

So if you read my last post, the letter that I wrote to my rheumatologist, you might be wondering what happened. I was so nervous to approach her, because I had only seen her twice. Both times, she typed in her computer, rarely making eye contact. Although she was helpful in explaining certain things, and changing some of my meds, I should have trusted my gut instinct: that I really didn’t know her, and thus, to tread lightly with what I’d tell her. But I’m an honest person. I went to my appointment and proceeded to read her the letter. Halfway through, I started crying. She continued typing away, she didn’t say anything until I was finished.

“I can answer some of your questions,” she said. “No, I do not support the use of marijuana in any sense, and not for medicinal use. Furthermore, if medical marijuana is passed here in Florida, I would never prescribe it.” She then proceeded to shame me for my use of marijuana, and that if I had a dirty UA after this initial drug test, that she would kick me out of her practice. And, I would be drug tested every 2-4 weeks continually, regardless if my next screen came up negative. Why didn’t I tell her initially? Well, I didn’t know her! But I’m coming clean now.

“There is no reason you shouldn’t be clean after three weeks of stopping,” she said. She said that more than once, insinuating that I was lying. So the result of that letter was: no prescription for my meds, and a thoroughly detailed (I’m sure) account of my letter in my records. Remember, she typed the ENTIRE time. When I told her I had an appointment with a pain management specialist in December, she told me that under no circumstances would this other doctor treat me with THC in my system. I MUST swear to her that under no circumstances would I continue my use. I said I couldn’t do that, although I would continue not using it in order to have a clean UA. I continued to explain that what she was prescribing wasn’t even cutting down on the pain, so why should I promise not to use the other, if it DID help? She mentioned that the pain doctor COULD prescribe other meds, which WOULD help me. In that case, yes, I’d be willing to continue not using marijuana.

I left her office in tears, totally struck down. I continued to cry all day, feeling lost and without any hope. If she wouldn’t even prescribe Tramadol (which is now a scheduled drug, too), what could I do? How in the world would I get any relief ever? But several hours after swollen eyes and a crushed soul, I thought, I really need to talk to my own primary physician and tell her what happened. After all, I have a rapport with her, I can trust her, I can talk to her. In the evening, I had to take my son to an appointment, and it just so happened we were talking to a psychologist. I mentioned to her that I had fibro and had a really crappy day, I was in tears again. After my son left the room, she said, “I want to know about your fibromyalgia. What is going on?” So I proceeded to tell her the nightmare I had just lived.

“How DARE that doctor treat you like that?!?” she exclaimed. “She had absolutely no right to shame you that way. As a doctor, she NEVER should have treated you that way!” I told her I had an appointment with my primary the next day. She suggested that I start my conversation with, “I have something I really need to talk to you about, but I need to do it ‘off the record.'” She said if my doctor was keen, she’d know what I was talking about (the marijuana use). I said that I believed I could be honest with her without repercussions, unlike with that other doctor.

Long story short, my primary physician spent an hour and a half talking to me. She was indeed receptive, indeed compassionate, and never once did she make me feel like a drug addict like that other one did. I even asked her, “In all the time that I’ve been your patient, have I EVER given you the impression that I’m a drug addict?” She shook her head no, and said, “absolutely not.” Furthermore, she too, said the other doctor had no right to treat me like that, to insinuate that I was lying, and that I should end my patient status with that practice.

My doctor had no problem taking over my care, that she would be able to prescribe everything that the other doctor did. She would not subject me to drug tests, and she commended me for my honesty. I think she learned several things from me, because I told her some of the information I had learned. I told her about this blog, and how therapeutic it was for me to write. I think I’m a good writer, and I am touched when people tell me “this is me, this is how I feel, but you write it so well.” I am touched when I can spread some hope among us.

So even though my primary did not advocate my former use (or future use) of marijuana, she did express that if we could get me to the pain management doctor clean, that perhaps he could get me to the point where I wouldn’t feel the need to turn to the other. He just might be able to! And for that, I’m willing to be clean.

This all happened this past Wednesday and Thursday. I discovered that if I use my inner strength, that I can persevere through ANYTHING. And with a great primary doctor, I’ve got one in my corner cheering me on.

There IS hope. Spread the word!

P.S. I’ve continued my at-home drug tests, and after 27 days, I’m still testing positive. Even though I could use, I still haven’t. I’m kind of curious to see when I’ll be truly clean! Of course, when my lab tests return, I’ll know exactly how much was left in my system. How dare that other doctor insinuate I was lying! If she knew anything about marijuana use, she’d KNOW that it takes 1-2 months for THC to leave a “chronic” user. Sheesh, I know more about it than she did. And THAT? Is a shame.

Dear Doctor

Dear Doctor,

I’m going to come clean with you. Actually, I’ve tried to be clean, because I know I’m going to have to submit to a urine test. So I’m going to be totally honest with you and pray this doesn’t backfire on me. When I do that urine test, I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a positive result for THC in my metabolites. But I can assure you that I have not used marijuana in over three weeks. I’ve been trying to be clean in order to get my prescription for hydrocodone. So I’ve had to do without both my pills for most of the past month, and the marijuana.

Since I’ve come clean, I have suffered the pain tremendously. I didn’t realize just how much a part that marijuana played in making me feel less pain. See, there’s never a day that I’m pain free. When I take one of the hydrocodones by itself, yes, the pain is a little less intense, but perhaps I’m not taking a large enough dose. After all, you do have me on the lowest dosage. But when I took a pill and used marijuana, I actually felt almost “normal.” What’s normal? Well, I mean what it must feel like to be a person who doesn’t suffer from intense pain. All the time. All the blasted time. So when I stopped using marijuana, and had to mete out those pills, there were days I could barely function.

I have become very frustrated. I started a blog about my pain. I wrote a manifesto, which actually started that blog. I found out there are hundreds of people just like me, suffering from chronic pain, unable to obtain the pain relief we so desperately want. What we desperately need. We just want pain relief and respect. I started sharing my story, and I’ve become somewhat of an activist. I think that marijuana should be legalized, particularly for medicinal purposes. I learned that this plant has been used close to 5,000 years to help ease medical maladies. It’s been proven to help with so many things. I know it helps me. How?

After I stopped marijuana, the insomnia kicked in. Doctor, you know that in my case of having fibromyalgia, that’s the worst thing that can happen to me. I usually can’t fall asleep until after 3:30 a.m. I’m working on a huge deadline at work, and it’s awful hard to focus and concentrate when I’m in a mental fog because of lack of sleep. This is the worst part, because the lack of sleep also makes me irritable, depressed, and angry. I’m angry because I’m in a situation where I cannot get pain relief, although I know it’s out there. I’m afraid when you get back that positive test result, you’re going to either cut off my medication, or refuse to see me anymore.

But you have helped me. You’re the first doctor willing to treat me for my condition. You’re the first one to write a pain prescription for me. You haven’t treated me like a drug addict. You’re the one that told me about the release Tramadol, so instead of popping four pills a day and going on a yo-yo of pain, I’m taking only the one in the morning. That helped somewhat. And the Lyrica you prescribed, that does help, too. But when I reach the late afternoon (even when I did use marijuana), the pain creeps back in. Maybe I need a higher dosage of the hydrocodone and/or the Lyrica.

I’d like to sleep again, but I don’t want to take Ambien, Xanax, or any other prescription. I know that marijuana is my natural sleep aid. I’d rather do something natural than add to my ever-growing medicine cabinet.

Another thing marijuana helps me with is my appetite. Most of the time now I’m nauseated, and I have absolutely no appetite. It’s hard for me to eat. And I like food! I like to cook! And bake! But now I barely have the energy, and I’m in too much pain to really want to do anything. I’ve already lost eight pounds. Not that that’s a bad thing, because I could be thinner. My point is, I’m not trying to lose weight. It’s coming off because I barely eat. Have you ever been able to eat when you’re nauseated?

I want to have an appetite again, but I don’t want another prescription. I’d rather use my natural remedy, the marijuana plant.

I’m wondering where you stand on medical marijuana, especially because we have that on the ballot this November election here in Florida. How do you feel about marijuana use? Do you know what cannabis cures? Do you support the initiative? If so, will you help me obtain medical marijuana? Because if recent polls indicate anything, and because of the dialogs I’ve had with other folks here, the initiative should pass overwhelmingly. I really do want to know how you feel about this issue. After all, you’re the one and only doctor willing to treat my pain right now. My primary doctor referred me to you because she knew you could help me, and she herself is fearful of the DEA.

Because I haven’t had many conversations with you, I hope you understand my hesitation in talking to you earlier. Sometimes I wish I could have gone in and talked to you, to get your advice, to know what’s going to happen after I take that drug test. You currently are my lifeline to living a life with lessened pain. I know it’s never going to go away, but it IS treatable. It can be more bearable.

So Doctor, when the lab notifies you that there’s THC in my system, please, please, please believe me and my words. I give you my honest word that I have not touched, nor looked, at marijuana for over three weeks. I don’t want to wait any longer to find out what happens. There’s a good chance you’re not going to write me any new prescriptions because of that THC. Because of the DEA. I know they’ve made it more difficult for you to treat us chronic pain patients. But I do plead with you that you treat me with compassion, and that you do not withhold my pain relief. I hope you’re willing to TREAT me, like you have in the past. After all, I’ve shown absolutely NO signs of drug abuse, you even have that written in my records. This was going to be, I believe, only the third prescription in six months (now it’s seven), that I was going to pick up. I have not abused my pills. And I’m not an abuser just because I used marijuana.

I did what I could to survive with my pain. It’s with me always. It will be with me until the day I die. I can live with that if I can have lessened pain. Please help me doctor. HELP me. Understand me. Believe me.

I have not used marijuana in weeks. I desperately need that pain prescription. I want to feel “normal” again. Do you understand?

There, I came clean. And I tried my best to be clean.

Thank you,
Your Patient