I’m going to come clean with you. Actually, I’ve tried to be clean, because I know I’m going to have to submit to a urine test. So I’m going to be totally honest with you and pray this doesn’t backfire on me. When I do that urine test, I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a positive result for THC in my metabolites. But I can assure you that I have not used marijuana in over three weeks. I’ve been trying to be clean in order to get my prescription for hydrocodone. So I’ve had to do without both my pills for most of the past month, and the marijuana.
Since I’ve come clean, I have suffered the pain tremendously. I didn’t realize just how much a part that marijuana played in making me feel less pain. See, there’s never a day that I’m pain free. When I take one of the hydrocodones by itself, yes, the pain is a little less intense, but perhaps I’m not taking a large enough dose. After all, you do have me on the lowest dosage. But when I took a pill and used marijuana, I actually felt almost “normal.” What’s normal? Well, I mean what it must feel like to be a person who doesn’t suffer from intense pain. All the time. All the blasted time. So when I stopped using marijuana, and had to mete out those pills, there were days I could barely function.
I have become very frustrated. I started a blog about my pain. I wrote a manifesto, which actually started that blog. I found out there are hundreds of people just like me, suffering from chronic pain, unable to obtain the pain relief we so desperately want. What we desperately need. We just want pain relief and respect. I started sharing my story, and I’ve become somewhat of an activist. I think that marijuana should be legalized, particularly for medicinal purposes. I learned that this plant has been used close to 5,000 years to help ease medical maladies. It’s been proven to help with so many things. I know it helps me. How?
After I stopped marijuana, the insomnia kicked in. Doctor, you know that in my case of having fibromyalgia, that’s the worst thing that can happen to me. I usually can’t fall asleep until after 3:30 a.m. I’m working on a huge deadline at work, and it’s awful hard to focus and concentrate when I’m in a mental fog because of lack of sleep. This is the worst part, because the lack of sleep also makes me irritable, depressed, and angry. I’m angry because I’m in a situation where I cannot get pain relief, although I know it’s out there. I’m afraid when you get back that positive test result, you’re going to either cut off my medication, or refuse to see me anymore.
But you have helped me. You’re the first doctor willing to treat me for my condition. You’re the first one to write a pain prescription for me. You haven’t treated me like a drug addict. You’re the one that told me about the release Tramadol, so instead of popping four pills a day and going on a yo-yo of pain, I’m taking only the one in the morning. That helped somewhat. And the Lyrica you prescribed, that does help, too. But when I reach the late afternoon (even when I did use marijuana), the pain creeps back in. Maybe I need a higher dosage of the hydrocodone and/or the Lyrica.
I’d like to sleep again, but I don’t want to take Ambien, Xanax, or any other prescription. I know that marijuana is my natural sleep aid. I’d rather do something natural than add to my ever-growing medicine cabinet.
Another thing marijuana helps me with is my appetite. Most of the time now I’m nauseated, and I have absolutely no appetite. It’s hard for me to eat. And I like food! I like to cook! And bake! But now I barely have the energy, and I’m in too much pain to really want to do anything. I’ve already lost eight pounds. Not that that’s a bad thing, because I could be thinner. My point is, I’m not trying to lose weight. It’s coming off because I barely eat. Have you ever been able to eat when you’re nauseated?
I want to have an appetite again, but I don’t want another prescription. I’d rather use my natural remedy, the marijuana plant.
I’m wondering where you stand on medical marijuana, especially because we have that on the ballot this November election here in Florida. How do you feel about marijuana use? Do you know what cannabis cures? Do you support the initiative? If so, will you help me obtain medical marijuana? Because if recent polls indicate anything, and because of the dialogs I’ve had with other folks here, the initiative should pass overwhelmingly. I really do want to know how you feel about this issue. After all, you’re the one and only doctor willing to treat my pain right now. My primary doctor referred me to you because she knew you could help me, and she herself is fearful of the DEA.
Because I haven’t had many conversations with you, I hope you understand my hesitation in talking to you earlier. Sometimes I wish I could have gone in and talked to you, to get your advice, to know what’s going to happen after I take that drug test. You currently are my lifeline to living a life with lessened pain. I know it’s never going to go away, but it IS treatable. It can be more bearable.
So Doctor, when the lab notifies you that there’s THC in my system, please, please, please believe me and my words. I give you my honest word that I have not touched, nor looked, at marijuana for over three weeks. I don’t want to wait any longer to find out what happens. There’s a good chance you’re not going to write me any new prescriptions because of that THC. Because of the DEA. I know they’ve made it more difficult for you to treat us chronic pain patients. But I do plead with you that you treat me with compassion, and that you do not withhold my pain relief. I hope you’re willing to TREAT me, like you have in the past. After all, I’ve shown absolutely NO signs of drug abuse, you even have that written in my records. This was going to be, I believe, only the third prescription in six months (now it’s seven), that I was going to pick up. I have not abused my pills. And I’m not an abuser just because I used marijuana.
I did what I could to survive with my pain. It’s with me always. It will be with me until the day I die. I can live with that if I can have lessened pain. Please help me doctor. HELP me. Understand me. Believe me.
I have not used marijuana in weeks. I desperately need that pain prescription. I want to feel “normal” again. Do you understand?
There, I came clean. And I tried my best to be clean.